How did you decide to adopt?? Part 1

Dollahite kids today at the library Harry Potter party. We just started the first book last night, so they didn't know what it was all about, but went with what the librarian told them-- that they could dress up as whatever they wanted!

We get asked a lot, "How did you decide to adopt?"

Here's part one (of two) of the long, historical answer...

Before Andy and I ever met each other in 1999, we separately wondered if God would have adoption in our future families. We were happy to learn this about this possibility when dating. When we got married in 2003, in our great wisdom of 22- (almost 23-) year-olds), we planned to wait 5 years before beginning to have biological children and then adopt after that. I pretty quickly reneged on our "plan" and wanted to start trying in our first year of marriage.

We stopped trying not to get pregnant in 2004, but didn't start actively "trying" until 2005. The pain that we walked through as we longed for children was intense and brought us closer to the Lord and to each other as we began to pray together each morning. I often worshipped in church through cycles of streaming tears, as anyone who has struggled with wanting a child knows, with the exciting, hopeful two weeks, followed by two weeks of sorrow, questions, frustration, and grieving which repeated itself monthly for years. I had previously been to the hospital once, as well as passed out more than once, for severe cramps and knew I had the possibility of endometriosis, which couldn't be confirmed without surgery. I began treatment with a fertility specialist in 2006 and a procedure called hysterosalpingogram showed that I had one tube closed and possible cysts and polyps. In 2007 a laparoscopic procedure removed the endometriosis, polyps, and cysts on my ovaries and uterus that was discovered. The fertility treatment (pills, shots, abstaining, timing) was taxing on our schedule, finances, and emotional and physical married life. Soon after the procedure in early 2007 and while using the pharmaceutical Clomid, we were called with the results of a blood test that we were pregnant and HCG levels were high enough that we may be expecting twins!!

We were overjoyed, praised God, and revealed the good news to our parents with special gifts at Mother's Day pretty soon after. As I was closely followed by the fertility office, they observed by ultrasound that it was, in fact, one baby. Soon after at another appointment, we were told that we were likely to miscarry since my levels were not increasing as they should and the embryo was not growing as expected. We pleaded with God and wondered how he could "give and take away." In the midst of this largely sorrowful, yet hopeful time, we never told God what He must do, but bared our longing hearts to Him. Two days after Father's Day, I lost the baby at home, at 9 weeks gestation. He or she would have been due in January 2008. We felt crumpled after looking forward to this gift for so long, and grieved and sobbed together.

While we felt conviction about not attempting IVF (in vitro fertilization) due to the high risk to the many babies that are created in the process, we decided that we would try IUI (intrauterine insemination) which does not create babies (embryos) outside of the body. After two cycles of IUI, it was Christmastime and we decided to take a break from the treatment while we regrouped and decided which direction God was leading. During this time, we decided that we would like proceed with adoption for our family as the Lord had impressed this desire in our hearts from long ago. I also wanted to have the hysterosalpingogram redone to determine if the one tubes remained closed as it had been previously. After the second hysterosalpingogram, it was determined that both tubes appeared to be open at that time. We began the process with Bethany House, a reputable Christian local and international agency, for a domestic infant adoption. After the personally invasive, inches-high stacks of paperwork, we were incredibly blessed to go through a weekend of in-person adoption training. One of the most beautiful things that we witnessed that weekend was God's provision through an open, local, domestic adoption, was the joy that was brought forth from the unexpected pain and sorrow of the birth mother and adoptive family who shared their testimonies.

The day following the weekend of training, we learned by home pregnancy test that I was pregnant again. We were slightly tentative in our joy, but trusted the Lord that He would provide for all our needs, for our baby's life and health, for our family to grow, as well as for our emotional and physical needs. As our agency recommended that we stop proceeding with adoption if we were to become pregnant before matching so that our hearts are able to fully invest either way, we informed them shortly thereafter. With tears, we told the other couple in our church experiencing infertility who was going through the adoption process with us using the same agency that we would wait to adopt in the future.

In Novemeber 2008, we met Annaliese Joy for the first time and you can read about that incredibly wonderful event in my first post of this blog, which you can read about here. After much pain, trust in Him, growing deeper in love through the grief, just over five years after our wedding (as we had originally hoped), God gave us a child to hold.